The Action of Thanks

 

When I woke up this morning, I struggled to clear some phlegm from my throat – and I was grateful to have awoken once again, thankful for a throat to clear.

The ache in my shoulder and arm was back – and I was grateful to the pain receptors in that part of my body for functioning properly.

I couldn’t find my other slipper – and I thought of the children around the world whose feet were thickly calloused because they didn’t own any shoes at all.

I turned the heat up slightly on the thermostat because I was cold, and was thankful for the roof above our heads, the heat from the boiler, the electricity humming through the house. All things I have personally seen many do without, and not by choice.

I helped my kids get ready for school, ready for breakfast, and gave thanks for their ability to attend a good school, to read and write and express themselves, to eat, draw, laugh and cry, ready to experience life on this Earth as fully as possible.

I kissed my wife on her way to work, grateful that I had tumbled, fallen in love and then married my best friend. I am thankful that she still accepts me, faults and all. Many, many faults and all. I am thankful that she is a strong and wise Latina, purposeful, thoughtful and loving. I thought of the people I have met with partners with no such qualities, those who have settled with negative somebodies who only accentuated their own negative, those that still wandered in circles not understanding why their life was less than, or even worse, blaming Life for their bad choices.

Later in the evening I lowered my head (so as not to be disrespectful to my instructor, it’s how I roll my eyes in his school) when he called for exercises that always puts a strain on my back. I immediately filled with gratitude as I considered all the many people my age and younger who are already unable to even consider exercise, aren’t able to play too physically with their kids, couldn’t run away or towards something if they really needed to.

It takes many steps we cannot explain and do not fully understand to do what we do and get where we get every day; all the incredibly chemical and neurological processes that occurred to be conceived and born and read words like these many years later, the fascinating cycles of nature that must combine to produce the apple you ate at lunch, even the multitude of large and small mechanical motions that need to happen in a precise order to drive your car to work, ride the subway home, get that plane safely to your destination. Those are human-made circumstances but they still required millions of years of evolution to invent a battery to power our toys. They all contain steps that are as much a mystery to most of us as the deepest of the oceans trenches or the vastness of outer space. It isn’t until those processes are interrupted or those abilities are taken away that we pay attention to the things that we routinely ignore, but it tends to happen this way because it is part of our nature to take things for granted. I am happy that there is at least one day on every calendar in our country that is dedicated to the action of giving thanks, of being grateful, of being aware of something (hopefully) outside of our own selves. Whether it is while having dinner with loved ones, serving meals to those in need or watching giant balloons soar past overhead, I welcome the invitation and extend it  as well, to think about the things we are thankful for that on any given day may float by uncelebrated and unrecognized. Think about them, it, that or they, and say:

“Thanks”.

The 5 Pointz Killa

As an artist I was affected to read about the decision (article) to white-out and destroy the artwork found on the long-abandoned buildings that became known as 5 Pointz in Queens, New York. I weighed in with my opinion below.

 
Considering that Mr. Wolkoff  allowed and supported  over a decade's worth of art and hard work on his buildings and promised new space for artists on his new buildings, it's hard to understand how he came to the conclusion that painting over internationally recognized and renown murals before destroying the entire structure they are painted on was the "humane" thing to do. The greatest irony of this action, in my opinion, is that he orders the work done under the cover of night, just like graffiti writers had to work back when graffiti was considered strictly vandalism. I get it, not everyone regards graffiti as art (and not all of it is), but not everything hanging in the Metropolitan Museum of Art is appreciable or understandable by everyone either. This gives exactly NO ONE the right to petition the Met to have work painted over and destroyed, and Mr. Wolkoff should have exercised the same respect.

 

The buildings were coming down; that was a short, mostly one-sided scuffle decided by a judge. But even a court order is not a good enough reason not to treat the large, world-wide community that regarded this building as an unofficial landmark, Graffiti Ground Zero, the Mecca of an influential art-style and an important element of hip-hop culture with a minimal amount of RESPECT. These artists created countless pieces of artwork on these structures' walls both legally and with full permission by the owners, the same owners who unbelievably likened their own ironic act of white-out vandalism to "forcing a child to take medicine." There could have been alternate methods to officially bring this chapter to a close, the very community Mr.Wolkoff has deeply offended could have helped him, but instead he opted to crown himself the 5-Points Killa.

Mr. Wolkoff should have allowed a death-bed visit, not the heart-breaking discovery of a white-blooded murder scene.

 

Marriage as a Magnifying Glass

I agree with some of the things mentioned about selflessness marriage in this article, but I also believe that there is something to be said for a healthy measure of selfishness. Let me explain.

In an airplane emergency we are instructed to secure our own oxygen mask before attending to anyone else, including our children sitting beside us. This sounds like an outrageously selfish suggestion, but it really isn't and it has a life-lesson built in to boot; by taking care of yourself you strengthen the ability to take care of those you love and care about. So it’s a “good” selfish, it’s a selfish that defies its own definition and actually benefits others. I think that the main idea in this article, that “a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams”, is only true when both partners equally believe and share this idea. What if your partner is incapable or unwilling to do the same for you? You shouldn’t tend so much to the neighbor’s flowers at the expense of your own, because you run the very real risk of losing both gardens.

Marriage works best as a partnering, not a worshipping as this article sometimes implies. For anyone that believes that you should mind the wants, needs, hopes and dreams of another before or instead of your own – no, then marriage is not for you. If you are going into it limping or already licking wounds not yet healed because your partner is not capable, not mature enough or unprepared to work towards fulfilling YOUR wants, needs, hopes and dreams, no, marriage is not for you. It’s ok to be their number 2 sometimes because occasionally you need to be your own number 1. If you find that you are often their number 3 or 4 or lower then absolutely no, marriage is not for you.

There were a lot of “I”, “me” and “you”s  in this article, and not many “us” or “we”s at all. I am of the opinion that these are important elements in the vocabulary of a marriage, or of any close relationship for that matter. They indicate an underlining of true partnership, of respect and of a desire to truly be joined with this person while preserving your individuality as well. My wife of (12-plus years) and I are a very strong team, and part of the reason for that is how strong we are as individuals. We can help cancel out each other’s weaknesses, and we can also enhance the other’s strengths. WE.

If you are not already in a relationship were you are both working towards each other’s wants, needs, hopes and dreams, marriage will not magically make this happen, and therefore marriage is not for you. Marriage is something like a magnifying glass where what was already good can improve and what was already bad can worsen. And like that magnifying glass, it can either reveal great things about yourself and your partner, or burn a hole right through.

 It all depends on how you’re looking at it.